Its been two years today. There has been tremendous amount of change inwards and outwards. Discontent, that remains the same. A chemical engineer with a masters in Engineering Management working in a construction management firm. My boss says "Your parents must be proud" - hell yeah. This is what runs in my mind - I am one of the millions who come to the US, earn in dollars, save have fun and live my life - my parents are still proud, they will always be. I am not.
I have two cups of coffee everyday. I fake my smile and accent to an average of 30 ppl/day, sleep about 8 hours, busy for about 5 work hours, enjoy my time in the office loo especially in the mornings (I get up early, just enough time to dress up) when no one else is sharing it with me, avoid on average 3 people/day, look at the mirror 15 times/day, day dream most of the time, curse my car, look at online catalogs for 2 work hours and stare at never ending excel sheets, files and maps the rest of the time. I watch TV soaps, think of exercise, watch a movie a day, flatten the sofa cushions, think about sex, worry about my body and looks, speak to people back home and fall asleep in a hope that it should be days before its 6:45 am (time when my alarm goes off). It kills me to know that these are all my days at least till I quit.
What do I see myself doing everyday? Wake up not having to worry about answering a bunch of people in those scary outfits as to why I overslept, stare at the green for a while like how I used to do in my childhood, have ample of time in the loo in the mornings, read a few pages, discuss everyday issues with people around me, not worry about how I look when I go to work in the mornings, walk to the small gates, give away the little wisdom at the school, not worry about checking my accounts, bills, millions of paperwork (the way I have to do it here), tune into some local channel on a TV and not on the computer, sit around with the old ladies and small kids in the house, play some pachisi, walk through the paddy fields, retire with a nice meal not worrying about how much I would put on. It would be ideal. Seems like that would keep my heart stable for a lifetime. Happy ending.
